Forgetting Hearts and Skulls
by temporalSorceress
Summary: The game has ended. Everyone lived. Dirk can't help but feel lost as Jake continues to ignore him. He's broken, in pain, wanting nothing more than to curl up next to his ex but he can't do that anymore. In Dirk's case, there was no happy ending.


A bright light filled the void that they were in, expanding before suddenly collapsing in on itself, forming a small, brightly lit doorway. Dirk Strider glanced around at everyone. Trolls and kids alike were celebrating with each other at the fall of Lord English. He watched John take a flying leap at Dave and all but tackle him to the ground, holding him tightly and apologizing for everything and kissing all over his face. Dirk turned away. He saw Kanaya and Rose huddled off to the side, both with tears streaming down their faces as they held hands and hugged and celebrated in their own way. He couldn't watch them. His eyes locked onto a pair of forest green ones, and he felt his world start to crumble around him.

"Jake-"He began, but the rugged teen turned away, giving his attentions to Jane instead. Dirk grit his teeth, clenching his hands into fists before turning on his heel, stalking to wait by the doorway that held strong. After all this time, Jake English was still giving him the silent treatment. Despite the fact that he had been the one to tell Dirk that he wasn't the Dirk he expected, Jake was the one angry in their situation. He sat down, holding his head in his hands. He felt a light touch on his shoulder, and looked up into the face of Roxy.

"Come on, Dirky. Less go home." She leaned down, wobbling a little as she hooked her arm under Dirks and hauled him to his feet. He went willingly. Single file, everyone filed out of the door until it was just him and Jake left. Roxy had kissed his cheek, telling him to come find her when they were out, and he had nodded. Now, it was just the two of them and he looked at Jake with all of the pain clear on his face. There was no one to hide it from now. Jake started walking towards the door, but stopped, turning to face him.

"Don't bother coming to find me, ol' chap. Once we walk out of here, I don't want anything to do with you." Dirk swears he saw a flash of pain in those green eyes, but he didn't get to question it since Jake disappeared through the door. Dirk stood, utterly alone. He was half tempted to stay here, to live in this void, but he couldn't stand the thought of that so, taking a deep breath, the Strider cautiously approached the door before stepping into the white light, letting it consume him. It only hurt for a moment before he felt nothing.

~One week later~

Dirk startled awake, shivering violently from the nightmare that had wreaked havoc on his peace. He sat bolt upright, clamping his jaw shut and wrapping his arms tightly around himself as he struggled to calm down. He was on the verge of hyperventilating, and his heart beat was going a hundred miles per hour. He shuddered, throwing the blankets off of himself and making his way haphazardly out of his room, down the hall, and to the familiar lavender colored door where he knocked heavily, waiting.

"Roxy, Rox please wake up please I need you I-"He stopped when he noticed the note on the door, and he got a sinking feeling. Opening it carefully, he read it. It contained her sloppy handwriting, informing him that she was going to be out that night with Jane and Dave. Glancing at his phone, he groaned. It was 2:30 am. Turning to go back to his room, he walked smack into a solid wall of flesh, swearing a little and catching himself on the door frame.

"Are you the one responsible for all that racket? Christ Dirk, some of us are tryin to get some sleep, yeah?" It was Jake. Dirk shuddered, nodding his head quickly.

"Yeah uh…sorry." He brushed past him, heading straight for his room. Jake didn't remember anything that happened before they left the game. Lucky memory loss, Dirk guessed. Jake still didn't want him, but he hadn't remembered telling him not to come find him after the game. Once he was safely in his room, Dirk curled up on his bed and pulled his laptop out, opening it and starting to write some code. It was the only thing that he could relax with. There was a small knock at his door, and Dirk sighed.

"Come in!" He called quietly, not looking up from his laptop. He knew who it was, but he didn't show his surprise. The door quietly opened and clicked shut, and Dirk could instantly feel the tension. The bed dipped as Jake sat on the corner, fiddling with his hands like he always did when he got nervous. Jake cleared his throat, pulling Dirk's attention from his laptop. He looked a little worse for wear, but Dirk wasn't going to admit that that gave him satisfaction.

"We need to talk, Dirk. I mean…ever since we got back, you've been ignoring me. If this is about what I said about…not liking you, then I'm sorry but that's not going to change. You're going to have to accept that and-"

"And what, Jake? Just forget about everything? Did you forget that I loved you? That I risked myself for you all because, if anything, I wanted you to live? Go to hell, Jake. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, so just go to hell." He snapped. He saw Jake cringe, and he instantly felt a pang of regret. Did he say anything about it? No. He just watched Jake flounder for words before standing up, obviously defeated. He mumbled a goodnight before leaving, and Dirk just watched him for a moment before going back to writing the code. He was working on a better AR.

His attention wasn't held by the code for very long, and he quickly found himself distracted by something else. More or less, he found himself browsing through the old pictures that he had captured while playing the game. Jake had looked so happy…too bad it wasn't for Dirk. He sighs, slamming his laptop shut and digging around under his bed before coming up with a bottle of whiskey. He cracked it open, taking a long drink before shuddering and relaxing back against the bed. He sighs, throwing his forearm over his eyes to try to get some sleep. He succeeded.

"Dirk? Dirk, wake up. I made pancakes." That was John. The blonde sighed, rolling over and pushing himself to his knees. He groans, holding his head. God, was that a hangover? Once glance at the half-empty bottle of whiskey told him yes. He gets up, dressing himself in a pair of pajama pants and a ratty t-shirt. He didn't care about his appearance any more. His hair was in disarray and he was pretty sure it'd been a few days since he showered. He plopped himself down at the table, resting his chin in his palm as John moves about the kitchen, plating up eight plates of food. He sets them out, setting a smaller portion in front of Dirk. Dirk gave him a grateful nod before starting to dig in unenthusiastically.

It wasn't that the food wasn't good, it was more or less the fact that Dirk had lost his appetite, and only ate enough to survive healthily. He heard people start to shuffle around, and soon enough, he was joined by Dave, Rose, Jane, and John. Roxy and Jake were still asleep. Dirk was thankful. Conversation was held between everyone else. They had gotten used to Dirk being more or less of a ghostly presence. That is, of course, until Rose turned her attention towards him.

"Dirk, I'm going to the bookstore today. Would you like to accompany me?" She asked softly. He sighed, poking at the rest of his food.

"Not really Rose. Thanks though." He shakes his head, standing up and taking his plate to the kitchen. He scrapes and rinses it off before placing it in the dishwasher. He returned to his room, barricading himself in and plopping himself down on his well-worn mattress. He resumed his coding, ignoring anyone who decided to try to talk to him that day. He knew he was a deadweight. He could hear the quiet talking, that he needed to find a job. He just…couldn't. Not yet, anyways. He sighed, settling in and preparing to code for the rest of the evening. He put his headphones on, ignoring the outside world. He would put his responsibilities off for one more day…just one more.


End file.
